gone forever
by Claire Lanser
Summary: subaru and seishiro have a fall out and when seishiro notices subaru being raped, what will he do? song-fic, has an alternitave ending, sad, depressing, and seiXsub, so it's yoai


subaru sat on his bed, tears leaking from his emerald eyes, seishiro and he had had their first fight yesterday and now seishiro was giving him the cold shoulder....it hurt....

_don't know whats going on_

"subaru-chan?" hokuto was worried, it was natural of course, "subaru-chan, whats wrong? did something happen with you and sei-chan?" "no...i just...i'm tired thats all..." but hokuto knew her brother well enough to know she had seen him crying when seishiro had commented about subarus slip up the day before in an excorsim,

_don't know what went wrong_

he knew hokuto didn't really believe him, but she left anyway, he curled up in a small ball upon the bed, "seishiro..." he choked his lovers name softly,

_feels like a hundred years i, still can't believe your gone_

the night wore on and subaru knew it was late, really late

_so i'll stay up all night_

he wiped his eyes still red from long-dried tears,

_with these blood-shot eyes,_

he got up deciding it was best he eat something entering the kitchen, he noticed something on the table, a note,

'Dear Subaru, i had your sister preserve your dinner in the microwave, i figured you'd be hungry,

love, seishiro,'

subaru felt tears pull at his eyes

_while these walls surround me _

'even when he's not here, he haunts me, causes me pain, make my heart hurt' "seishiro..." he whimpered slumped over on the table

_with a story of our life_

he grabbed his coat and hat sliding quietly out of the house, "i don't need him he's not my whole life!"

_i feel so much better now that your gone forever_

some part of his twisted-up mind mocked him '**yeah, right'**

_tell myself that i don't miss you at all_

his feet carried him through the icy torrent, while his mind lingered over golden-amber eyes, which had so cruely glared at him

_not lying, denying_

before he realized it, he found himself in ueno park, the cherry trees dead, and covered with snow,

_that i feel so much better now, _

he sat down on one of the benches, tear tracks now marred his pale face "seishiro" he whispered, he harsh north winds stinging his cheeks

_gone forever_

"hey, kid," a gruff voice subaru was possitive he had never heard before in his life asked "you alright" a hand landed on his shoulder

_now things are coming clear_

Hokuto had been upset with him for making the comment about subarus work the way he had exited obviously stated he was upset, and seishiro couldn't deny the guilt that lumped in his thoat, he asked hokuto to preserve subaru dinner

_and i don't need you here_

he had gone to subarus door to apoligize, but stopped the minute he heard the boys pathetic sobbing "seishito...why...do you do this to me?"

_and in this world around me,_

seishiro wasn't used to the feeling of guilt and regret that filled him, he tried to tell himself that subaru was no more than a toy,

_i'm glad you disappeared,_

he could let go anytime he wanted,

_so i'll stay out all night_

'right' he thought to himself he was well aware of his addiction to subaru, seishiro walked through the cold, not really feeling it, thinking about maybe finding a bar and drowning out his sorrows for the second day since their fight

_get drunk and fuckin' fight_

"subaru..." he murmmered the youths name, he noticed a struggle from a nearby alley

_until the morning comes_

looking down into it, he noticed subaru struggling to get a man off of him "n-no! let go!" seishiro watched a moment, un-sure of why he didn't try to stop it, finally an excuse came to him it was cruel and he was sure subaru would never forgive him for something like this

_i'll forget about our life_

'i'm sure the great sumeragi can handle himself'

_i feel so, much better, now that your_

subaru words rang clear through his mind leaving a strong and resonating wake of pain

_gone forever_

"seishiro...why...do you do this to me?"

_not lying, denying_

'he can handle himself!' he thought, agitated finally,

_that i feel so much better now, _

and he walked off leaving subaru to fend for himself,

_that your gone forever_

it was almost dawn when hokuto went to check on her brother again "subaru" she had the common curtesy to knock this early in the morning, "subaru?" her brother was a light sleeper and the alarmed her. She opened the door the minute seishiro knocked "sei-chan! Have you seen subaru-chan!?" seishiro's eyes widened "shit!"

_first time you screamed at me_

subaru was crummpled on the ground, he had already pulled back on his clothes he tried to stand leaning on the wall for support, wiping already dried tears, he knew his sister must be worried....

_i should have made you leave_

"subaru-chan!" subaru froze at his sisters voice, "h-hokuto-chan!" his voice sounded hoarse, hokuto was horrified seishiro swept into the alleyway, he was about to pick up subaru to carry him,

_i should have known it could be so much better_

but subaru shoved him away, slapping him hard on the face, anger greater than courtesy seishiro was shocked and subaru felt the warm tears of regret and hate cascade into two long, endless rivers down his face

_i hope your missing me,_

"subaru-chan! what-" hokuto tried to ask what was wrong but subaru exploded "seishiro! why...do you do this to me!" seishiro seemed confused the very words subaru had muttered in remore and sorrow were now being shouted in spite, "wha-" "i know your mad at me but how could you just watch me struggle and walk off!?" hokuto stared in horror at seishiro

_i hope i've made you see_

subaru was shaking seishiro pushed himself off the wall and walked off "sei-chan!" hokuto yelled after him, shrill voice wavering, her brother pushed past her and began to walk home she tried to help but he forced her away, locking himself in his room

_and now things are coming clear_

"sei-chan, what are you doing here?" subaru heard hokuto's voice down stairs and his body stiffened on instinct at the sound of seishiro's answering voice "i...need to see subaru...." hokuto answer jostled him "good luck, i haven't even be able to get him to come out or open up the door for food..."

_and i don't need you here_

subaru curled into a ball, a soft knock on the door alerted him to seishiro's presence

_and in this world around me_

"subaru-kun? may i come in?" "go away, seishiro-san..." "subaru..."

_i'm glad you disapeared_

seishiro was being persistant and insisted the onmyoji open the door, "subaru-kun, please, please, let me in!" seishiro's voice had become broken pitiful, a voice he had only once heard and it was when he thought subaru wasn't listening,

_i feel so much better now_

subaru opened the door and stared at the man a moment, "seishiro-san why wont you leave me alone? Like you did in that alley?"

_that i'm gone forever_

seishiro just stared at the boy, mouth agape,

_tell myself_

and subaru stared right back with cold distant and lifeless green eyes, filled with pain

_that i don't miss you at all_

_"_**subaru..."**

_not lying_

subaru flinched slightly

_denying_

seishiro's eyes watered slightly, staring into empty emerald irises,

_that i feel so much better now_

subaru's eyes widened in shock, softening as seishiro leaned on the door frame head bowed

_that your gone forever_

subaru reached up gently wiping away the older mans tears "seishiro don't cry...." seishiro wiped his eyes and pushed away from the wall, "i'll leave you be, subaru-koi" "seishi...ro...." but seishiro was already down the stairs

_and now your gone forever_

_**ALTERNATE ENDING!! (WARNING: CHARACTER DEATH)**_

"subaru...."

_not lying_

"just leave"

_denying_

seishiro didn't say anything as he turned away walking slowly tears falling sofly

....

subaru didn't cry as he dragged the razor across his wrist, only moaned at the feeling of a new relief from the pain in his heart

_that i feel so much better now,_

"seishiro"

_that your gone forever_

Hokuto had discovered subarus body merely 30 minutes after he bled to death, and seishiro wasted no time, not even bothering to close down the clinic, "subaru!" he burst through the door without knocking, hokuto was still crying one of the suicide investegators came to him "this was left for you, "

**to my love, **

**i don't care if you cry over me (which you won't), you hurt me more than i thought possible, but you won't do it again, i'm gone- forever,**

**Always yours,**

**Subaru sumeragi**

seishiro read it a few times over making sure he was reading correctly, then it sunk in, his subaru was gone,

and he cried

_and now your gone forever_


End file.
